Madness
by rebeccagrace
Summary: A young couple at Hogwarts faces the biggest challenge of their lives. Are they strong enough to get through it...together?
1. Default Chapter

Madness  
  
Author's note: First, I feel that I must mention the fact that this story is quite out of canon. I am aware that JKR has said that there will be no teen pregnancies in the HP books, and this is a sentiment that I couldn't be happier about. But this fic is not the HP books, it is merely based on them, as you well know. I just feel the need to explore this particular "problem" in a story. I hope it turns out well.  
  
  
  
Roger Davies scurried down the hall towards the empty classroom where she was waiting. He glanced around nervously, then caught himself and tried to look casual and unhurried. He couldn't help himself, though, and soon he was running, gasping with pain and remorse about what had happened.  
  
He was a wreck. Ever since she had told him...well...what was he supposed to do? He hadn't even meant to...they just...His mind whirred. He hadn't even wanted to sleep with her, really. It just happened. Afterwards they hadn't said anything, and certainly not, "I love you". The truth was, they didn't love each other. They had barely spoken again until the night before, when she had approached him after dinner.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Meet me in the Arithmancy classroom during dinner. We won't be missed."  
  
He turned down a final corridor and stepped into the doorway of the abandoned classroom. She didn't notice him, and he watched her for a few minutes as she stood, framed by the large window in the back of the room. She sighed and pulled her long blonde hair back from her freckled face. She turned then and gave a small yelp when she saw him. Her hazel eyes flashed and she pulled her robes tightly around her small frame.  
  
"You startled me."  
  
"Sorry..."  
  
"Well come in, don't just stand there in the doorway!"  
  
Her voice was soft but shrill. She was scared. He looked at her and then down at his own trembling hands. He was scared too. More scared then he had ever been in his life. The Dark Lord's return was nothing compared to the awful seeping terror that he felt at this moment.  
  
For several moments they stood silently, looking at one another. A sound far off down the corridor made them both jump. The girl beckoned Roger in, and they both made their way over to the window in the dying light. The sun was setting in a blaze of hot pink. She started to weep softly.  
  
"What are we going to do?"  
  
He reached out to her uncertainly. She melted into his arms, shaking.  
  
Through his fear and indecision he spoke softly to her.  
  
"I don't know, Susan...I don't know." 


	2. Part two

Madness (part two)  
  
Roger watched Harry Potter and his two constant companions, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley, walk down the hall together. He hated them. No...he envied them. He looked at the way Hermione had her head thrown back, laughing. Looked at the grin that hovered around the boys' mouths as they watched her. Why was it only him that had problems? Why, since the beginning of his life, did trouble always seem to hover around him?  
  
He looked closer at the trio as they passed, unaware of anyone but each other, as usual. Harry's face was pale, and the grin poorly concealed the thousand tiny creases of worry beneath it. Ron was the same, drawn and weary looking. His usual high spirits were gone. Hermione had stopped laughing by now and was looking more somber than usual, and a little guilty at her outburst. "I'm sorry..." He heard her say to the boys. "But it's just been so long since I've had a reason to laugh, you know?" Harry looked paler than usual. "I know." They walked on.  
  
So he wasn't the only one with problems, after all. God. He was so selfish at times. Everyone had something to worry about, now. But he couldn't help but think that his problem was the most immediate. After this...situation was solved then he could go on to being worried about You-Know-Who, like everyone else. He grinned slightly at his irreverence and went on to his dorm for some homework. He needed to push what he had just learned out of his mind for a while.  
  
Homework always soothed him. Every Ravenclaw was similar in that respect. He walked into the rather austere common room and saw identical looks of supreme comfort on his housemates that were doing homework. His grin widened. Yes...work was just what he needed. He took his place at a bare, smooth table and pulled out his textbooks. He always felt so...comforted when he was in this room. Ravenclaws didn't seem to need all the comforts that the other dorms enjoyed. At least from what he had seen of the Hufflepuff common room, anyway. It was an explosion of pillows and soft things. The familiar feeling of guilt washed over him as he remembered his situation. Sneaking into the Hufflepuff common room was the least of his problems...  
  
He pushed all thoughts from his mind and concentrated on his Herbology homework. He would worry about things later in the evening, when he had agreed to meet Susan in an empty classroom to talk. He shuddered involuntarily through his concentration as he realized what danger they would be in by venturing out of their common rooms after midnight. It was strictly forbidden, nowadays. And actually enforced. He would have to use all his newfound skills at dodging prefects and ghosts.  
  
He sighed. But it had to be done. 


	3. chapter three

"Madness" (part three)  
  
Roger silently made his way out of the Ravenclaw common room. His breath came shallow and rapid, and a cold sweat made him shiver in the drafty corridor. He stopped for a moment and tried to collect his thoughts. The lit torch on the wall threw his face into shadows as he pressed himself against the cold stone and tried to think. What am I going to do? What will my parents think? Will I be expelled?  
  
Roger was sure that things like this had happened at Hogwarts before, but he didn't know how those situations were handled. What did those kids do? Were they as frightened as he was? A swooshing sound from the dark end of the hall brought him out of his reverie. He moved quickly, staying in the shadows and hoping that he hadn't been seen by whoever, or whatever was out there, lurking in the night.  
  
When he arrived at the empty classroom he was panting, but he had lost whatever had been tailing him. He hoped that Susan would be there already...he wanted to get back to the safety of his common room before they ran out of luck and got caught.  
  
He peeked into the room to see if anyone was there, as was his habit. She was already there, sitting forlornly at an empty desk. She smiled at him grimly as he sat down at a neighboring desk.  
  
"There has to be a spell." She spoke suddenly, and he was startled by the determination in her voice.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I said...there has to be a spell, Roger. A spell that will...you know." She pointed down to her stomach.  
  
"Susan, I..."  
  
"No, Roger...there is no way that we can keep this baby, don't you get it? I want to just get back to normal." Her voice had become tremulous, and Roger could tell that she was going to cry.  
  
"Susan, but...can't we just talk to our parents? I mean, surely they will understand that it was an accident..."  
  
"No! Don't you see that they will never understand? We're supposed to know better! How could we have been so stupid?" She was openly crying now, and Roger had no answer for her. No way to make her feel better. He just felt so helpless. How could he have let this happen? He sat there and watched her cry, and then he was crying and there was such a feeling of shame between them that they couldn't even look at one another.  
  
After a few minutes Susan looked up at the ceiling and said, "Roger...you must help me find the spell. I know that there's a spell that we can do. Meet me in the library tomorrow after breakfast and help me find the book. We'll get a Restricted Section permission slip if we have to. It'll be easy for a Ravenclaw. We have to act soon, Roger...before it's too late." With those words she stood up and made her way out of the classroom and into the darkness of the corridor without a backward glance. Roger sat at the old desk for a long time before finally getting up and leaving the classroom and its coldness behind.  
  
At least he tried to leave the coldness behind. 


	4. Chapter Four

Madness (part four)  
  
Roger woke up reluctantly. He had been having such a good dream...Everyone had been laughing, and the sun had been shining like a beacon on all the students at Hogwarts. He had just finished his N.E.W.Ts, and he knew in his heart that he had passed everything. Susan had been there too, laughing beside him as she dangled her hand in the lake.  
  
Susan... He sat up suddenly, catapulting himself off his bed and getting tangled in the curtains that draped his bed in blue. He struggled to sit upright, the blue material that had seemed so harmless on every other night now cutting off his air. He gasped, and with a final heave threw off the oppressive curtain. No one else was in the dorm. He guessed that they had all already went down to breakfast. All his fear came rushing back, then, and he dragged himself down the staircase. He stopped at the bottom and found a table to sit at, and tried to collect himself. No one noticed him.  
  
What did he want to have happen? He tried to think of the lectures his father had given him when he had come to him with a problem. Be logical...try to find a reasonable solution...He winced. All the logic in the world couldn't overcome his feelings.  
  
He couldn't be responsible for the ending of a life. He had to tell Susan.  
  
As he made his way to the Library after breakfast, his thoughts whirled around him. He changed his mind several times. He tried to reason with himself. Was the thing floating inside Susan a baby yet? It wouldn't be so unreasonable to just believe that what they were doing was right. His father had always said, "If you have a problem, Roger, just try to think of a way to eliminate it." Yes.  
  
He was just getting settled into his decision when a sudden thought startled him. Was the baby magic yet? When did magic start in a child? Was there even a spell that would terminate a witch's pregnancy? This whole new round of questions brought him back to where he had started.  
  
No. He couldn't.  
  
By the time he reached the massive doors of the Library, all that he had worked out was that he didn't want Susan to terminate this pregnancy, but he didn't want the baby, either.  
  
He just wanted it over. 


	5. Chapter Five

Madness (part five)  
  
"Susan...I don't want to do this."  
  
"What?"  
  
Susan and Roger were sitting in the Library. Thay had been there all day, searching for the spell that would end it all. Roger had been trying to think of how he would tell her that he didn't want her to end this pregnancy for some time now. After all, don't I have a say in this, too? he had thought earlier. He finally worked up the courage to tell her.  
  
She stared at him from across the small table that stood by the window. It was dark outside, and the torches on the wall threw her face into shadow. He couldn't see her expression, but she sounded shocked.  
  
"What?" she asked again, roughly pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "Do you realize what you're saying, Roger? What else do you want me to do?" Her voice was a harsh whisper, and he winced at the sharpness of her words. Why was she treating him like a child? He was beginning to get angry.  
  
"You heard me, Susan. Stop treating me like this is all my fault! I'm just saying that there has to be another way! Adoption...a spell...or something that isn't so drastic...I mean..."  
  
Susan interrupted him with a hiss. "There is NO other way...can't you understand?" Her voice trembled as she said the last bit, and her eyes filled with sorrow.  
  
Roger felt his anger fading, and this time he spoke softly to her.  
  
"Susan...just listen to me for once, okay? Just please...let me try to find another way. Let me look, or think of something. Just please. Don't shut me out, Susan."  
  
He saw tears well up in her eyes. "It's just that I'm so scared, Roger. I just want to do something, you know?"  
  
He knew.  
  
He reached across the table and squeezed her hand. "I know, Susan. I'm here, too. It's me in this, too, remember? You don't have to go through this alone. Let's come back here tomorrow and try to find some other way. Any other way...please?"  
  
She looked at him, and he could see the relief in her eyes.  
  
"Okay, Roger. We'll do it your way."  
  
They smiled tearfully at each other. 


End file.
